I have decided to take advantage of the ‘draft’ aspect of the blog and write a little bit here and there throughout the day. I’ll upload it fully this evening.
First, it’s 5:15am. Why dafuq am I up and blogging? Well, for starters, my night nurse lacks ninja skills. At 1am, the door flung open, “Hey Mrs. Marks, I have your IV medicine.” She was loud, lights were bright, and when she was done let the door slam behind her. I liked everything else about her, but that ruined it for me. My favorite nurses are the ones who slip in and out undetected as you sleep. Mad skills. Then, there’s her tech. I get that you have to take my vitals every so often, but use the damn bed scale. Don’t ask me to get out of bed and stand on a cold metal scale. Because then I’ll have to pee. And then I’m wide awake. It’s a bad game of ‘If You Give a Mouse a Cookie’ that way. Besides, my weight did not change in the last 8hrs, I promise. Also, if you ask me, “Can I get you anything?” That is not merely a pleasantry. It’s meant to be an honest offer. So, when I legit ask you for something and you don’t return with it, forcing me to call someone else 20min later, you begin losing points with me.
But I suppose it was a good thing they had me up. Doctor ‘This is only my 2nd day’ has already come in. Now, I ask this every time I’m here: what is the purpose of waking patient up, abruptly, and asking, “How are you feeling?” I always answer them honestly. And…they always seem to dislike my opinion. “I don’t know. I’m still asleep. How do you think I feel?” Poor low man on the totem pole, trying to do his job before the ‘Team’ arrives. They’re like the Nazgul (sp?). Nine of them float in. They say and do nothing but loom just long enough to be able to bill you. “No Baggins here,” I tell them, and they float menacingly on down the hall.
Dammit. I’m hungry. The cafeteria isn’t even open yet. One Fruit Loop to rule them all….
I just re-read what I wrote this morning. I’m ridiculous.
The rest of my day went entirely as planned…a whole lot of nothing. I’ve walked a few laps, made numerous trips to the cafeteria, and stared out windows. I removed my toe polish. Chewed and picked my fingernails down to nubs. Which, by the way, is like playing Russian Roulette in the hospital. When I’m nervous, I pick. My nails, scabs, you name it. Sometimes, I go too far. And creating an open wound even the size of a papercut is a dumb idea when residing in a giant petri dish.
I still haven’t seen the little shop in this place. Presuming there is a little shop. I did, however, locate a banana. So, there’s that.
I have already started packing, as I’ve learned that I will not be returning to this room after surgery. I have also laid out clean undies and jimjam bottoms, a hospital gown, and my toiletries. After dinner I plan on washing my hair, sponge bathing, and shaving anything I can. Last time, it was weeks before I enjoyed a proper shower. I need to do some womanscaping in preparation.
So, they had me sign consent forms and meet the anesthesiologist. I guess this is really happening. They will go in through my current chest tube incision, reopen my old one, an cut a new third one. They will go in with the scope, pump in some water, look for air bubbles, locate the leak, and staple the lung. I was led to believe that a section would be removed. Apparently, this is now a resection rather than an -ectomy. I know this because I asked if I could keep the piece they remove. What? Don’t judge me.
The way he describes it, the staple will be like the twist tie on a loaf of bread. And that tiny nub of plastic, or in this case lung tissue, will just sit there useless. I’m curious if it will become necrotic. I say, remove it now. Actually, what I did say to the surgeon was, “Don’t come out until you’ve fixed it all. I’m not doing this again, so do it right.” I’m a demanding little nerd.
I did have a bit of a panic attack earlier today. But that’s to be expected. “Even heroes have the right to bleed…” It is what it is. I have a lot to live for, hence, a lot to be scared for. As Andrew Lincoln said, “Enough now. Enough.”
My night shall consist of eating everything I can until they cut me off at midnight, grooming, and watching television. I am heading to the OR “by lunchtime” tomorrow. Don’t expect a blog post-surgery as I will be significantly doped up. G will update family and friends via FB and other friends can repost as needed.
Thanks for all of the continued support. It means more than you know. I will write more in a few days, as I am able. Keep on learning to thrive while you survive, sing together, shine until tomorrow, and I’ll catch you on the flip side.